i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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