So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
