he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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