I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
