hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
