At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
