question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
