I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
