dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
