So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
