i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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