Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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