Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
