i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
