i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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