She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
