I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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