It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
