I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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