apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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