i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
being pregnant is like rehab
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
