I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
