Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
