someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
