I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
