He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
