so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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