No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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