If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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