We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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