You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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