I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
