We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
