I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The power of my boobs compel you
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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