Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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