There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
