she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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