Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
