He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
His nipple licking is glorious
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