There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
