i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
did you just send me my own nude
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
