when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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