I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
