i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
