evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
