george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
