I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
