you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
