Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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