where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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