apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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