Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
