So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
