i just had sex bonerless
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
