My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
