Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
