sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
