It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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