That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
