Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize