She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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