found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
