we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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