Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
