Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
