Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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