I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
