Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
