Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
