i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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